Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
