I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
