Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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