walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
