I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
