dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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