The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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