I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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