12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
