Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need a burrito and a hug.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
