the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
