we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
