my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
