in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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