i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
