And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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