You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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