I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
