I accidentally had phone sex last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
