im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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