you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
