And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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