I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
