im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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