hotel room ftw
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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