You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
