I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
