By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
