Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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