I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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