The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
