I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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