He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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