our cab driver is having phone sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
