She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
