She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
