i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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