I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize