dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
