My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
