Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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