I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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