After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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