I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
