Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
