I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
tell me about the fingering
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