Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
