I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
