She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone owes me an orgasm
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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