he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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