so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
