Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize