oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
