No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
