all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
