Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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