u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
