drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
