I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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