somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
