I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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