last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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