All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
