i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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